Enjoy it while it lasts...

Chris, of notesfromthetrenches.com, wrote a most touching post today about her eldest son who has crossed over from boy to teen. As he is now in that daunting stage of man-boy, he has apparently declared he no longer wishes to exist on her blog, no photos, no cute anecdotes, “just pretend I don’t exist.” And so, today Chris wrote one final tribute, one final post about her son, the first, the one who taught her how to be a parent.

For some reason, this post brought me to tears. I’m just at the beginning, at the starting gate, just figuring it all out.

Sure, while I was pregnant I knew everything. When we would go to the store or visit others with children, Bryan and I would smile knowingly at one another, full of the wisdom only found in young couples without children. We knew exactly how we would handle similar situations, and our children would certainly “never” misbehave. We had it all figured out.

Now here we are mere 10 months later. We are still in the amoeba stage of parenthood, morphing, developing and irrefutably clueless. Every day as our little daughter discovers a new skill, we discover how to manage and contain her. Sure we strive to give her structure and consistency, we try to challenge her and offer many opportunities for growth and stimulation, but who are we kidding? We are pretty much glorified zoo keepers here.

She is just minutes from walking (without having a part of her body against something,) and when that happens, life as I know it will surely be over.
This weekend, she threw her first full-blown temper tantrum. And when I say tantrum, I mean, flop on the floor, arch the back, kick, flail, scream, red-faced, tantrum. I thought these didn’t come until later, but apparently 10 months was the golden age for us. Why would our precious girl do such a thing, you ask? We made her lay on her back while her diaper was being changed. We’re cruel like that.

And so, as I read Chris’s post today about her son wanting to no longer be documented, no longer be photographed, wanting to just be “left alone” so-to-speak, I realized that one day, my tiny little girl is going to do the same. Right now I make jokes about her tantrums and her lack of naps, but the truth is, although she is exerting her baby/toddler independence, she does it with me less than five feet away. She still wants my undivided attention and she wants nothing more than to be with me all the live-long day.

Although I like to fantasize this will always be the case, she and I will be forever sidekicks, forever friends, I know better. There will come a time, not so very long from now, that her cute little independent streak will be less than cute and she and I will go a few rounds nose to nose. I'll start cracking jokes about sending her off to a convent for a while. And then one day, she will turn the joke on me and say that convent doesn't sound so bad, because then she won't have to be with me all day.

She will want nothing to do with me, and I will have to just give her the space she requires, all the while keeping an ever-watchful eye on her every move.

I am not looking forward to 13 years from now.

In the meantime, I am going to cherish the moments that I have her undivided attention. Now if only I knew what I was doing.