Okay, I already had the baby, so what the heck?

I woke up this morning and was convinced I was either,

a) Going into Labor

b) Having a miscarriage

or

c) Dying

Since it would be (almost) miraculous for me to be pregnant, I determined that (C) was the most plausible option.

My stomach was so rock-hard in contraction/spasm/cramp, that I grabbed Bryan's hand, placed it on my stomach and said "DO YOU FEEL THIS?!?! WHAT THE HECK?!?!""

"WHOA! Contractions! But you already had the baby," he told me, as if I needed to be reminded that it was nearly 10 months ago that our daughter was ripped from my body.

"Yes, I did," I replied. "So why the contractions and the labor pains now, I ask you?"

I felt like I was going to throw up, the pain was searing, wrenching, horrible, "I'm going into labor, there is a baby trying to come out of me," pain.

I came downstairs, took one of my big 800mg Ibuprofen tablets from the infamous arm injury, and reclined on the couch in a heap. I was waiting for my water to break or my life to end, although the latter was more desirable at that moment.

45 minutes later, the pain started to calm down to a dull roar and I determined that it must just be one really nasty case of well, you know. I waited all day, remembering that yesterday, while walking, I was feeling abdominal pain as well. Yes, this must be the cause, my monthly visitor who is in fact, two weeks tardy (in case you were curious.)

By 5:00pm, with still a dull roar of pain below my navel and yet no plausible reason, I decided to take another 800mg of Ibuprofen and then pee on a stick just in case, all the while crossing my fingers, praying to the good Lord on high and talking about how Bryan would be maimed and have to relocate to our friend's home if the little plus sign appeared (It came in negative by the way.)

And so now here I sit on Saturday night; still hurting, still contracting and no end in sight, no reason to be found.

I find this highly offensive, indeed.