Evie resting in Portia's new couch!

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Spawning

I was teaching today about the importance of salmon in the pacific northwest, especially to the Coastal Indians. (we're studying the first peoples of Washington, you see.)

So there I was, trying to explain how the Native Americans used nets called "weirs" to catch the fish when they were spawning. And there, the problem was born.

Spawning.

Spawning and the 7th grade.

Yeah.

So of course, I was asked, "Mrs. Scott, was IS spawning?"

And I looked at the student, and I looked at the class, and I said, "it's one of your vocabulary words, you tell me."

And the student said, "you mean, like the fish, you know, do it?"

I said "No. They lay eggs."

It was then that another student rasied their hand, "but wait Mrs. Scott, if the girl fish lay the eggs, are they already, you know, all "fertilized?" I mean, you know, do the boy fish have, like, thingies?"

Sigh. And off the tracks we go...

And so I tried to explain that the female fish would release her eggs and the male fish would then fertilize them as they fell into the rocks below.

"But Mrs. Scott, how are the eggs BEING fertilized? I mean, you know, are the boy fish HURTING the eggs? How does it work, exactly?"

Ahem. I should have just stopped it right there. But no. I am always one to try to explain things. I always try to answer their questions. Because you see, I'm an idiot.

And at this moment, it came to me, the perfect metaphor. I can explain this to them in a way they can understand.

And so I said, "how many of you have ever seen a crop dusting plane flying over a field?"

It was at that moment I realized maybe my idea was maybe not as good as I thought. I could hear my brain saying "nooooooooo!"

But it was too late. It was out there. The plane, and the dusting.

"So you mean Mrs. Scott, the boy fish SPRAY their stuff? All over the eggs?"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"

Good-bye topic. Good by attention. Good-bye class, I can see I have completely lost you by now.

Just another day in the 7th grade.

I should have quit while I was behind....

Tonight was swimming lesson night.

For me, this is always a stressful night because I have to leave school, drive across the bridge, pick Evie up from daycare, drive to the Y, change into our swimwear and both of us in the pool by 5pm. On a good night, this is nearly impossible for me.

Tonight however, was beyond ridiculous.

I left work with ample time, drove to daycare, successfully picked her up and got to the Y with 10 minutes to spare, (an all-time record for me.) Feeling proud of myself for having so much extra time, I allowed myself the time to dress us at a leisurely pace. I got Evie's clothes off, her swim suit on, and gave her her towel to hold while I got undressed. Sadly however, I didn't realize until after I was standing in the locker room in my all together, that sometime between last night when I packed the gym bag and that moment of public nakedness, my swim suit had somehow made it out of the gym bag and was nowhere to be found.

Evie can't be in the pool without me yet, so I had to frantically get dressed put her clothes back on her, get shoes on the both of us, re-pack the bag and run out of the Y with a crying, devastated child in tow, who was reaching for the pool begging to go swimming.

I got in the car, drove home, found my suit lying on the middle of my bedroom floor, threw it and a pair of my hubs' swim trunks on, grabbed a sweatshirt and headed out the door.

We arrived at the pool, and I dropped the bag on the pool deck, stripped her, pulled off my sweatshirt and jumped in the pool. Just as I was about to take a quick dunk to wet our hair, I realized her ear plugs weren't in her ears. Since she's the ear infection and tube queen, I immediately pulled her OUT of the pool, quickly squished her plugs in her ears and jumped back in.

I then started explaining to the teacher why we were so late, when I realized she had on no swim diaper. I contemplated just leaving her diaperless, she has after all, been wearing panties successfully all week/weekend. But I just knew that if I did this, she would chose this time to forget about being potty trained.

So I pulled her BACK out of the pool, grabbed our stuff, quickly walked to the locker room, stripped her naked, pulled a dry swim diaper out of the bag and desperately fought to get it on her now very wet bum; I then proceeded to fight with her soaking wet swimsuit to pull it back on her.

FINALLY, we got in the water- suited, plugged and diapered. By this point we had 5 more minutes of lesson and it was over.

I played with her for 30 minutes in the family swim area and with the promise of a happy meal, got out of the pool.

We went back in to the locker room to change back in to our warm clothes. I successfully got her dressed and had her sitting on the bench waiting for me to change. It was only then that I realized I had left the house IN my swim suit and a sweatshirt. I had no panties, no bra and certainly no real clothes to put on. I rummaged through the bag and found a pair of workout pants. I went to the bathroom, pulled off the soaking wet suit, pulled ON the pants and the sweatshirt over my cold body and left for the local drive through.

She better become a dang fine swimmer.