My Nephew is really growing!

I just realized I have a bunch of pictures of my nephew that I have yet to post. So here you go....my how big he's grown! Born December 12, Skylend can now cruise all over the house, and is pulling himself up on the couch, coffee table and my sister (his mommy) to use them to stable himself as he walks around the room. Sara thinks he's about another week or two from standing up on his own from the middle of the room. But knowing this kid, he'll be walking around this weekend.
Bryan was in town on business about a month ago, so he finally got to meet Skylend. And then two weeks ago, I was over there to play with my little monkey. He isn't quite sure what to do with me, as Sara and I sound pretty much the same, and we look just a little bit alike. He gives me the funniest looks, like "I know you aren't my mommy, but....you sure do sound like her."

Our Puppy has grown up!

I realized that the past few blogs have all been depressing or a rant. I thought perhaps something nice was in order. Remember our little puppy Puck, that Bryan brought home from California at Christmas time? He's a big, big boy now.
Here are a few pictures to show how much he's grown in the 9 months he's been on this earth.

Stupid things that irritate me

Bryan and I have both been keeping our schedules on our computers. When something comes up, or we need to remember when 'so and so' is coming to visit, or when my next softball game is etc., we have to ask whoever has that information saved in their email inbox, or on the computer desktop. A ridiculous system at best. As such, I decided in an attempt to get us a little better organized, that I would go to the store and purchase a calendar to hang in the kitchen, where we could consolidate our schedules and have one central location to refer to when in question. Little did I know that such a device does not in fact exist. I didn't know that to purchase a current calendar is in fact impossible, unless of course one is purchasing said calendar in January. February 1st apparently, is the best time to start selling the calendar for the following year. Of course, I could purchase a giant desk-sized calendar for the school year, but that isn't really practical for our kitchen, and we do have the rest of July and all of August we need to fill out first.
Why is it that I can't buy a current calendar now? Am I the only American who needs a new calendar half-way through the year? What happens if all those people who purchased their calendars a year in advance ruin theirs? Or lose theirs in a move or a fire? What if the calendar they start in December is now not the right size for their needs, or their sick of looking at puppies or lighthouses? They just have to wait until Christmas to start again? What a commitment.
And furthermore, why are they already selling school supplies at Target? I was there a week and a half ago, and they were selling school supplies! How ridiculous! School was only out a few weeks ago, and already people need to purchase for the next year? The really stupid thing is that if people in fact wait to purchase their school supplies until the week of school, when they have the confirmed supplies list from teachers, everything is already sold out!
"Sorry ma'am, I know it's September first, and school doesn't start until next week, but we sold out of school supplies in July. You really should be more prepared. I recommend you purchase your halloween stuff now, since we will have our Christmas trees for sale next week. Also, I have a lovely 2008 calendar for you to buy."
This epidemic seems to have spread to all retailers. Softball season started last week, but the sporting goods store was out of softball stuff when I went in to get a new pair of cleats two weeks ago. I think they're selling ski equipment now.
All the stores at the mall are now into fall and winter clothes. I needed a couple of new short-sleeved shirts, but all I could chose from were those on the clearance rack. I could however buy a new cable-knit sweater, wool pants and fleece socks, if I so chose. Never mind that it's 80 degrees outside.
Why are things this way? Is there no practical retailer in Washington state who is actually selling products one in fact might like to purchase at the time they need them?
In other news, our cable box receiver has died for the second time in the past month. We have satellite because that's pretty much our only option where we live. We have the most basic of basic service, and yet we are unable to watch TV, because the stupid thing keeps breaking.
We'd like to just stop having the service, since it sucks, but there's only one regular cable provider in the area, and they charge almost $30 more a month. So again, I am subject to monopoly and sucky service.
God bless America.

A lot can happen in two short years...

Today is Bryan's and my 2nd wedding anniversary. I found our honeymoon pictures yesterday; they had been lost since we moved up from California. As Bryan and I flipped through those pictures, we were both amazed at how much we have both changed (mostly horizontally-- Notice on the left the before and after shots...my arm is broken in the second picture (honeymoon)-hence the bump and no arm in the sleeve) as well as how much has happened in such a short time.
These past few years have tried and strained our marriage in unbelieveable ways. However, we have grown together and have a trust that probably would have taken a much longer time to develop had we not endured all that we have together. I can truly say that Bryan is my best friend, and I cannot imagine what my life would be without him by my side.
For me, this day is a bit bittersweet however. Our first year of marriage was spent with me caring for my mom as she slowly lost her battle to cancer. As I reflect and rejoice in Bryan's and my small feat, I am also saddened to think that less one year ago, my mom was still with us. It has been an emotional month to say the least- mom's birthday was the 8th, then we learned the sad news about our baby, and then today, a moment of happiness and a feeeling of accomplishment.
We are both looking forward, hoping for more good days ahead, leaving most of the bad ones behind.
Now I would like to take a moment to whine:
I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I feel like I have a pretty decent pain threshold. I've had so many broken bones, life-threatening illnesses and weird medical issues that it's almost comical. But because of this, I feel like I can pretty much handle most that's thrown at me. So, when the doctors said last week that I was going to miscarry in a few days, I was obviously devastated, but I innocently wasn't all that concerned about the actual physical implications of the miscarriage. My doctor's had said it would be just a little worse than my monthly visitor.
I would like to now take a moment and say how wrong I was- and furthermore, how wrong my doctors were. Never have I been in so much pain as I was on Saturday. I have had meningitis, 4 spinal taps, I have torn my rotator cuff and my achilies tendon among other things. Those seemed like bee stings compared to what I felt on Saturday. At one point, while I was writhing on the couch, and I declared to Bryan that "if this is what I have to look forward to when I actually have a baby, I'm here to say I'm going to need a lot of medication, or we need to seriously look into adoption."
I had had two miscarriages before, but they were both within the first month, so they really weren't horrible, physically. This time around, I was half-way through my 4th month. Things were a bit different.
We were on the phone w/ the doctor several times, who kept calling for status checks; we were debating whether I needed to go to the hospital, but I really didn't want to unless it was absolutely necessary. So she called a few times, to check in and by 11pm, things finally started to settle down, and we determined I would be okay.
I have to check in with my doctor tomorrow morning.
I would like to say that Bryan spoke with a friend of ours, who has had three miscarriages- (at the end of the first trimester, or into the 2nd.) She confirmed that in fact a miscarriage is worse than actually giving birth--at least for her. This is good to know, because I was seriously doubting my abilities to be that tough after all that I experianced this weekend. Perhaps I'm just a bit more dramatic or emotional right now, but I'm here to say that nobody should ever be in that much pain.

Specialist Day

Yesterday was specialist day at our house. Bryan went to UW to meet with the orthopedic surgeon, I went to a fertility specialist to determine if there are any problems w/ Bryan and I that have led to the three miscarriages I have thus far had.
Bryan's appointment went well, his arm is healing right on schedule, and he starts his physical therapy next week.
As for me, the doctor was wonderful, he came up with a few thoughts as to why we are having such a difficult time. First, my progesterone levels are really, really low, which is probably part of the problem in the lack of development. As such, I will most likely be going on a progesterone supplement in a couple of months, to remain on indefinately. I may also be placed on another supplement to aid in healthy ovulation, as each pregnancy/miscarriage has been close to a year apart. I have also been placed on a prescription strength prenatal vitamin to take until I'm done having children.
Finally, and perhaps the most enlightening, they determined that I am RH negative. Bryan is RH positive. More than likely, anytime I get pregnant, the developing child is also RH positive. My body, being RH negative, sees the child as a virus or threat and deals with it accordingly. Subsequently, the doctor gave me a shot to counteract the effects for any future pregnancies, and I will have another if and when I get pregnant, and yet another if and when I give birth.
I have in fact miscarried this pregnancy, and so we have to wait at least another month, and then the doctor will begin all of the blood work to get a baseline level of my progesterone etc., in order to determine which supplements I need, and how much.
I'm encouraged that I have such a great and helpful doctor who seems really on the ball in trying to remedy the issue. One may think we are really young to be worried about this, and in most cases we would be, but I also have the beginning signs of endemetriosis, so they are concerned that we need to have our kids sooner than later, to prevent even more issues.
We are not oppossed to adoption, but would like to try ourselves for a few years before we go down that route.
I'll continue to update this post as new information becomes available.

Some Sad News

Bryan and I went to the doctor early this morning to find out what's going on w/ this pregnancy. After a disheartening ultrasound last week, they ran a bunch of tests on me throught the week, and we got the results this morning.
All my blood levels, hormone levels etc. are plummeting, which tells them that we have in fact lost the baby, and are just waiting for physical evidence.
They are sending us to a specialist on Wednesday afternoon as this is the third time I have had positivie pregnancy tests, symptoms etc., only to find out the baby stopped growing, or never started. 4 months is the longest I've made it.
So we're pretty low today. Although strangly relieved to have some kind of answer.
They said we have to wait a few months and then we can try again if we so-desire....which we will.
So anyway, that's the situation. Thank you all for your continued prayers during this tough time.

The test results...

We went to the doctor's office today for another round of blood work. The results will be in tomorrow afternoon, and then the doctor will compare and we'll go over them on Monday. Currently, my HCG levels are apparently way too low for what they should be. They will compare them on Monday to see if they're going up or down, but as of right now, the medical opinion is that the baby has stopped growing and it is only a matter of time. We are still waiting to be sure, but they said there is a pretty high probability that this will soon end. We are praying that they will be wrong. Well, I am at least. Bryan has already resigned himself for the worst as far as I can tell.
In an effort to get my mind off things, I played tonight at the softball game (I usually just coach). Don't worry, I did not put much into the game, so there was no fear of causing further damage. I played at the catcher position and didn't do any diving or crashing to save plays. :-) It was nice to do something physical, and although I hit really crappily, it was nice to swing a bat and hit a ball.
I'll post more information when I have some to post. In the meantime, keep the prayers coming.

A Difficult Day

Well it seems our propensity for drama continues. After last week's difficult and confusing appointment at the OBGYN, we went in this am for my ultrasound to determine how many, or at least how far along I am. The ultrasound technician placed the little device on my stomach and immediatly said, rather abruptly "oh, you're hardly pregnant at all..." I said, no, I'm at least 12 weeks. She said, "well I can't see a fetus." (her bedside manner was astounding) So she did the more invasive ultrasound to see if it could offer any clues. She said she could see "a sack," but no baby. She and the radiologist then conferred and then he came in and started asking a bunch of questions as to whether I've had any bleeding or pain...which I haven't. They said they didn't know what to tell me, that perhaps I'm just only a few weeks pregnant. But that doesn't really make sense, as I've had many, many positive pregnancy tests in the last 3 months. Not to mention the fact that I have a growing bump, and have had a slew of symptoms since May. These are not the activities of a person who just became pregnant a few weeks ago.
So anyway, we're a bit concerned, thinking something has gone terribly wrong.
I went to the doctor's office and they did more blood work and got the ultrasound results. I got in touch with the nurse who basically said, that because the ultrasound doesn't show anything, the doctor is saying we just have to wait and see what happens. They are going to do another blood test on Thursday to see if my "levels" are climbing or staying the same, and if they are, then they'll do another ultrasound in two weeks. They said the most likely explanation is that I have a "blighted ovum," otherwise known as "early pregnancy failure," which is basically when the egg is fertilized and a placenta subsequently forms, creating the HGC hormone and making me feel all the symptoms of pregnancy, but the fertilized egg never develops into a baby. There is more info on this at http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/blightedovum.html
We have to wait for blood work to determine if my HGC levels are steadily climbing or falling- which will then give the doctor's more information letting us know what the next step is. If we have in fact lost this baby, this will be the third time for us to be pregnant unsuccessfully, but this one we actually thought was going to "take" as I have now "been pregnant" for 12 weeks; or three months, which means had all been well, I would have started my 2nd trimester this week.
So we sit and wait, and are really struggling. We can definately use everyone's prayers as we try to stay calm and wait to see what we need to do.