Why can't we just be like everybody else?

Just about everyone gets to vote today. Everyone but Washington, that is. No, we have what we like to call a “three-tiered system.” But you see dear friends, we decided to have it AFTER we sent out the absentee ballots. This means that people think they get to vote today, but in fact, they do not. That shouldn't cause any confusion whatsoever.
No, instead we have to Caucus on Saturday. There is nothing Super about Saturday.