How it happens...

Scene:
I technically have the day off, although I still have an appointment to turn in paperwork to the payroll office for my retirement, insurance, direct deposit etc. I then have to stop by the school to pick something up and pop my head in the class at the end of the day.

I plan to take Evie to work with me, as it should be a quick meeting, and really, I am just turning in paperwork.

I plan the day, she will take an earlier nap than usual, which should not be a problem, she is usually pretty tired around 11, but at daycare, they stretch and wait until noon to put them down. I'll have her up by 1:00 at the very latest, which will give me 30 minutes to feed her lunch before we have to drive over the bridge to the district office.

10:45- Evie goes down for her nap after throwing a massive fit.

12:45- Evie wakes up, very happy.

12:46- I change her diaper, get her re-dressed, fix her wild hair

12:50- We make our way downstairs, "Are you ready for lunch?" I ask, She seems excited, happy and well-rested.

12:51- I put her in the high-chair- she screams bloody murder. Fear strikes my heart.

I give her a sippy cup of water, this seams to appease her for a moment.

12:52-I offer cheerios as a snack while I prepare lunch.

Evie- "Nee-ooooo!!!" Followed by throwing said cheerios on the floor. I scold her for the throwing of the cheerios, but do not remove her, she just woke up, I give her the benefit of the doubt.

12:53- I offer goldfish crackers, but instead of putting them on her tray, I put one in my hand and hold it in front of her, "would you like a cracker?"

Evie- "Neee-oooo!!!" She signs "all-done" and then points to the pantry.

I walk away over to the pantry, open it, and ask what she would like, she points at the shelf where the raisins are.

I grab the raisins, pull them out, grab a couple, hold them in my hand in front of her, "would you like raisins?"

Evie, (crying, apparently frustrated) "nooo..."

It has now been several minutes and I too, am getting frustrated.

I offer her a sippy cup of milk, she bats it away. She is crying, I want to be crying. I wish she could tell me what she wants, instead of just screaming "no" and shaking her head, turning away from everything I try to give.

I offer a jelly sandwich, (a usual favorite) she refuses. I offer little smokies (a usual favorite,) she refuses. I take the noodles, chicken pieces and carrots from a chunky soup, drain the liquid for easier eating and put them on her tray, she has LOVED this every time before; she screams like I have just offered her glass shards, and throws them on the floor.

So, I tell her throwing food is NOT OK, take her out of her high chair, and send her on her way. She flops on the floor, crying. Then, gets up, runs back to the high chair and tries to climb back in, crying.

I bend down in front of her, place my hands on her little shoulders, and ask her if she is now ready to eat, she nods, quietly.

I place her back in her high chair, I hold three different foods in front of her and ask which one, she points to the goldfish, I give them to her, she eats two, and then starts crying.

I give her the sippy cup again, this time she takes it and drinks, and drinks and drinks.

I put the chicken, noodles and carrots back on her tray, I sit with her, I offer a noodle to her, she turns her head and cries. I take a bite, and say "oohh, yummy!"
She scowls at me and shakes her head "no." I tell her she needs to eat. She says "no."

So I get up and walk away, leaving the food on her tray in front of her.

The clock continues to tick, I am getting more and more worried. I have less than eight minutes to get food into this kid. On a normal day, I would just say, "whatever, you don't want to eat, fine with me."

But we have to go, I have to go to work for a quick meeting, and she has not eaten since breakfast; I know she's hungry. I can't take her to work without having been fed, she will be cranky and unmanageable. And as I have to go to work, I don't have time to have a stand off, or just let her "eat when she is hungry" as many suggest. I know she's hungry, this is just a power play. She knows it, I know it. But I don't have the time right now.

So I do what I thought I would never do...I look in the refrigerator for something I know she will eat...I grab one of her father's chocolate pudding snacks. That's right, the child is going to have a pudding snack for lunch.

And she does. Happily. She eats every single bit of that pudding; licks the thing clean.

She wins, I lose.

End scene


It was then that I realized this is how it happens. This is how so many of us resort to feeding our kids hot dogs, chicken nuggets and pancakes far too often than we care to admit. It isn't because we are lazy. It isn't because we are bad parents, it is because we are busy parents just doing our best to feed our kids, and sometimes we pick our battles, and sometimes we decide "today, dear child, I'm going to let you win this one."

I have to work this year because we need me to work to be able to make ends meet. We don't drive fancy cars, we don't go to movies or out to nice dinner, we don't take expensive vacations. We don't live above our means, but the economy is what it is and right now, we need both of us to work.

Evie is only 14 months-old, she needs a nap every day. I let her sleep for a little over two hours before she woke up. I then had 45 minutes to get her ready and feed her lunch. She decided that yesterday was not the day to eat. But I could not allow her to refuse food, because I knew, as her mom, that she had to eat. And so I found something that I KNEW she would eat. She needed something in that little tummy, and I knew this would work.

She's too little to really reason with. Had she been older and I had been able to have an actual conversation with her, things might be different. But I couldn't really say to her, "Evie, you have two choices here, eat what I am offering you now, or you are going to go hungry until we get back, and I don't want to hear any whining, do you understand?"

Yeah, that's not going to work with a 14 month-old. An older child, maybe, but certainly not a toddler who is just starting to say words.

I wasn't proud of the pudding lunch, I know I could have given her a yogurt, but she had already consumed an entire container of yogurt and an entire banana for breakfast. Her diapers were already questionable at best, so I didn't want to load her up with any more fruit. I gave her pudding instead because I knew she would eat it. And she did, and I was able to get to work on time with a happy, fed child.

And this my friends, is how it starts.