Lessons I learned when feeding my toddler

Rule #1: Do not put away groceries while the toddler sits in their booster seat and tries to eat. Specifically, do not leave the container of ice cream in their view, because they will see it, and ask for it, and when you say no, and tell them to eat their dinner instead, this will cause a riot. Not only will the dinner not be eaten, but a fit of unseen proportions will occur. Meanwhile, you are still trying to put away groceries, while you're kid is now in timeout, screaming their fool head off about the injustice of it all.

Rule #2: Do not serve a toddler ketchup. Why? The toddler WILL dip their tater tot or chicken strip in the ketchup, as you intended. They will also, however, dip their peaches and green beans in their ketchup, and will ultimately eat nothing but the ketchup--giant handfuls of ketchup. They will eat it, and get it on their hands, and then try to wipe it off their hands by smearing it on their shirt, or pants, or in their hair. You will then have a table and a once cute outfit now ruined by the stains of tomato and high fructose corn syrup. Furthermore, every time after, they will expect their "sauce" when it is time to eat.

Rule #3: Do not give the toddler the option to say no, because they will always say no regardless of whether or not they mean it. Either give them a choice to choose from, or just put something in front of them and walk away. Otherwise you will find yourself standing in front of an open refrigerator or pantry playing 20 questions with a 3' high tyrant who takes pleasure in making you squirm.