How to control the world at 8 weeks old

6:00pm- Hi mommy! That was a great nap!
6:01- Yay! A new diaper!
6:25- Yum! Great dinner mommy!
6:32- Uh oh, something is wrong…
6:33- Arch my back, pull up my legs, cry
6:45- Still crying
6:50- Thanks for the new diaper, but I’m still uncomfortable, and need to cry some more
7:30- I’m STILL uncomfortable…why do you keep changing my position?
8:00- Throw up on mommy…I feel better
8:02- Mommy, where are you going?
8:02:30- Hi daddy…ummm…why are you taking off my clothes?
8:03- Excuse me, but that’s cold…stop wiping my face! No- not my neck!
8:04- Oh mommy- why are you taking off your clothes? Where are the pillows going?
8:10- Mommy! Great new clothes! Oh, and I love these new jammies!
8:12- Another new diaper-hooray, I think I'll go to the bathroom now.
8:20- New diaper please!
12:00am- Finally fall asleep, after fussing for the last 5.5 hours.
3:00 am- Wake up and happily coo at my mobile
3:05am- Get tired of my mobile, start alerting parents to my boredom
3:05:15- Parents are not responding, become very loud
3:05:20 - Alternate between screaming and coughing, certainly this will alert my parents
3:05:25- Hold my breath, then cough…anything?
3:05:26- Hi Mommy! I knew you were around here somewhere…see how cute I am?
3:05:30- Yay! A new diaper!
3:06- Happily smile at mommy, kick my feet and flail my arms with glee while she pulls our an utter
3:06:30- Wait, I don’t want the one on the right, mommy.
3:06:35- Why are you insisting on putting the right one in my mouth? I don’t want it!
3:06:40- I’m crying here, can’t you see I don’t like the one on the right?
3:07- Fine…I will eat, but I will only do so for 10 seconds at a time, then I will hit you, pull away and let out a cry in protest before re-latching
3:10- Can I have the other one yet? I hate this side.
3:12- Still? You insist I drink from the right? I hate the right. Can’t you see my protest?
3:13- I’m going stop eating and purse my lips in refusal, I’ll even turn my head away
3:15- I’m going hit you for a while, and make this grunting sound, and kick you right on your c-section scar
3:20- Why are you picking me up? I’m not done here!
3:20:30- UGH…why are you sitting me upright? Why are you patting my back?
3:20- So very gassy…brrrugh…ahhhh…that feels better
3:21- Smile at mommy, flail and kick some more
3:22- Filled my diaper...time for a new one!
3:25- Hooray! The left! I love the left! Let me reach out and hold on, it’s so nice and soft!
3:45am…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
5:00am- Mommy? Hellooo? Cough, cough. Mommy?
5:05am- Oh my mobile! Hi bears! Why are you not saying hi back? Helllooooo?
5:05:15- That’s it! I’ve had it! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
5:06- Hi mommy! Where have you been? Why do you look so tired?
5:07- Kick my legs, pump my arms, smile in delight
5:07:30- A new diaper! Yay!
5:08- Oh Fabulous! The left side again! How I love you lefty!
5:08:30…uh oh, something is wrong. I think I need a break
5:09- Warning- mommy, do NOT try to put that back in my mouth, I’m having trouble here…
5:10- brrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaa….icky…what’s that horrible taste?
5:11- This is still a bad taste. Mommy, what are you doing? Why are you picking me up?
5:11:10- Hi daddy! Why is mommy being so frantic? Why are you taking off my jammies?
5:15- Good. Everyone is here. This is a nice towel I’m laying on…I think I’ll do my calisthenics.
5:16- Kick mommy, hit daddy. Kick daddy, hit mommy. Repeat. Arch my back, flail my legs. Repeat.
7:00- New diaper please!
7:30- Nope, not ready to eat, I’m still doing my workout, and making very loud cooing noises…why aren’t you people more alert?
8:30- Ok, I’ll eat some more, if you insist.
9:00am- …..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
9:30am- Good nap! I think I’ll be up now for a while, can I have a new diaper please?
12:00pm-3:00pm- Sleep soundly
3:00-5:00pm- Alternate between sleeping, eating and pooping
6:00pm- Start again