Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
3 years ago
Friday, December 25, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
When you know it's time for a break...
Scene 1:
Student- "Mrs. Scott, She pushed me!"
Student 2- "Nuh uh! You poked me first!"
Me- "What grade do I TEACH?!?"
Students (blinking)- "ummm, 7th?"
Me- "HOW OLD are YOU?!?"
Students- "Ummm, 12."
Me- 'CORRECT!" You are not in kindergarten; stop acting like you are!"
Scene 2:
Me- "I'm going to give you 5 more minutes to work quietly, and then we're moving on; when I say stop, you will need to get your notes out and be ready to listen."
"Okay, you have 4 minutes left."
"Three minutes left, folks."
"Two minutes, please start wrapping up"
"Ok, you have one minute, you need to finish what you are doing and get out your notes, please."
"TIME! Please put that away and get out your notes."
"Ok, let's begin"
Student: "WAIT! I'm Still working!"
Me: "The direction was to stop and get out your notes, please do so, now.
STOP.
STOPPPP!"
(in a very calm and yet stern tone,) PLEASE put your pencil DOWN. STOP WRITING and get out your notes."
Student (still writing)- "But...I'm almost done!"
Me- "Put your pencil down NOW, get our your notes, I'm moving on without you."
Me- (turning to class) "Ok...let's begin." (and I begin giving the second part of the lesson, writing what I say on the overhead.)
Student-"WAIT! I didn't catch what you said, could you repeat it, please?"
Me- "Nope. You didn't follow the directions, you'll have to catch up when I’m done talking." (and then I continue the lesson.)
Student (to another student sitting across the aisle.) "Hey, what was the first thing she said?"
Me- "I have asked you to be quiet, stop and listen, do not interrupt him because you failed to listen and do what you were asked."
Student- “I’m just trying to take notes, geez!”
Me- “You are not following directions, you are being rude, and you have now taken time away from the rest of your class. If you interrupt me again, you will leave.”
Student sighs (in the most adolescent, annoying way possible)
Scene 3
Kids are working on an assignment, I’m circling the room, giving individual help.Student- “Mrs. Scott, he took my pencil!”
Me- “Ok?”
Student- “Don’t you care?”
Me- “Not really, no.”
Student- “You don’t CARE he took my pencil?”
Me- “Basically, something like dealing with a pencil is not really at the top of my list of priorities right now.”
Student- (in a very high-pitched whine) “But he TOOK it! and now I can't WORK.”
Me- (while taking the stolen pencil and returning it to the whiner,)
“WHAT GRADE DO I TEACH?”
Students- “Siiigh.”
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
All I want for Christmas is a "wrong answer" buzzer for my classroom
Question: Explain and describe why the ancient kingdoms of Africa have disappeared?
Answer #1: "The ancient Kingdoms of Africa have disappeared. They have because the fall of the people. Also the empire."
Answer #2: "The ancient kingdoms of Africa have disappeared because of the war. Many people started to fight over traded goods. Or split in the religion, and many kingdoms move to different areas."
Answer #3: "The kingdoms of Africa have disappeared because there wasn't enough $ and the armys kept invading them."
In case you were wondering "About the empire" is my favorite part; makes me laugh out loud every time I look at it.
Answer #1: "The ancient Kingdoms of Africa have disappeared. They have because the fall of the people. Also the empire."
Answer #2: "The ancient kingdoms of Africa have disappeared because of the war. Many people started to fight over traded goods. Or split in the religion, and many kingdoms move to different areas."
Answer #3: "The kingdoms of Africa have disappeared because there wasn't enough $ and the armys kept invading them."
In case you were wondering "About the empire" is my favorite part; makes me laugh out loud every time I look at it.
Friday, November 13, 2009
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Tuesday, October 27, 2009
And now for another episode of "why teachers drink..."
Question: EXPLAIN why Constantinople was so important to the Byzantine empire. Be sure to answer you question completely by using examples.
Answer #1: "The Constantinople was important to the by Zantine empire because the king lived there and the pope and that was there capita."
Not sure of the king or pope to whom this student is referring, and also, it's BYZANTINE, not by Zantine.
Answer #2: Constantinople was important to the Byzantine empire because that is who they traded with."
Sigh...who is they?
Answer #3: Constantinople was so important because it lies on that Straight. Also it was the center of the trade crossroads. Constantinople had more trading power than most others."
Ok, we are on the right track; close but no cigar. By the way, the name of "that straight" is "BOSPORUS."
Answer #4: Constantinople was so important to the Byzantine empire because it was a natural crossrads of trade, so they made lots of money. It was also well located and easy to defend in an attack. It was basically the center of trade for the entire Midle East. It was also the empire's capital city."
Ok, so SOMEBODY was paying attention. WHEW.
Answer #1: "The Constantinople was important to the by Zantine empire because the king lived there and the pope and that was there capita."
Not sure of the king or pope to whom this student is referring, and also, it's BYZANTINE, not by Zantine.
Answer #2: Constantinople was important to the Byzantine empire because that is who they traded with."
Sigh...who is they?
Answer #3: Constantinople was so important because it lies on that Straight. Also it was the center of the trade crossroads. Constantinople had more trading power than most others."
Ok, we are on the right track; close but no cigar. By the way, the name of "that straight" is "BOSPORUS."
Answer #4: Constantinople was so important to the Byzantine empire because it was a natural crossrads of trade, so they made lots of money. It was also well located and easy to defend in an attack. It was basically the center of trade for the entire Midle East. It was also the empire's capital city."
Ok, so SOMEBODY was paying attention. WHEW.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Mommy needs a timeout
I need a timeout.
Evie is really sick. She had stayed home all week last week, as she was ill with a fever and a bad cough after returning from the trip to Texas. On Wednesday, Bryan took her to the pediatrician (he is off Wednesdays-Fridays) to make sure her cough was nothing more than a bad virus. They determined she had croup. By Friday, her fever and cough were far worse so he called me at work right at 3:15 to tell me he was taking her to get xrays. I left work and we met at the office; they had found a small spot in her lungs so they were putting her back on antibiotics.
The weekend was filled with crankiness, tears and very little eating. By Sunday, I was back on the phone with the on-call doc who told me my choices were to basically get enough fluids in her to get her to make a wet diaper, or she would have to go to the ER. So, I spent most of Sunday afternoon and evening trying to cajole her to drink, eat or suck on anything I could find: popcicles, jello, juice, washrags. Bryan was at work until nearly 11pm, so it was just me trying to get her to take something. When he got home? She happily ate some Jello.
We made it through the night, but just barely.
This morning, She still had consumed very little liquid and was generally cranky, so I called the pediatrician and made an appointment for 10am. The doctor listened to her lungs, looked in her ears, her eyes etc. After a thorough check-up, she determined Evie needed xrays again. Oh, and also, her ear is now infected, again....the antibiotic the other doctor put her on last week is too weak.
And so I took her back to the radiology department. However, today, they didn't just want one xray, they wanted a whole series of them. The technician met us out in the waiting room and explained to me that she was going to need to take a series of pictures which would require Evie be completely still. Yeah.
Evie's response? She crossed her arms and GLARED silently at the technician. I scooped her up, which caused crying. I then suited up in a lead bib and held her to try to calm her. When it was determined she was not going to calm down, we just began to arduous process wherein I had to help hold her in position, and hug her in between "shots." There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth during the session, however according to the technicians, she was doing very well comparatively.
When we were done, we left and headed home. Once we arrived home, she demanded a french fry, but I had none. So, being cranky, tired and sick, she decided the best way to handle her frustration was by throwing a fit. Not just a little crying, but a complete and total sitting in the in the driveway in the rain, kicking her legs and screaming at the top of her lungs so the neighbors would thing she was being abducted, kind of fit. It was completely wonderful.
I scooped her up and brought her inside as she arched her back, kicked and continued her protest up the stairs and in to her room. I put her on her bed, when suddenly her crying stopped and she said "boots off please, Mommy." I took her boots off and then she said "coat off too, Mommy."
It was at this point, I had to keep from laughing.
I took her coat off, put her blanket on her, and she then began to cry again, declaring she didn't want to go "nye night!"
I walked out of the room. She was silent in less than a minute.
20 minutes passed, and I heard her moving around, talking. I got up and when I got to the base of the stairs, she met me at the top, completely naked but her socks.
"I pooped, Mommy!"
I quickly went upstairs to find she had, in fact pooped. On the bed. She had removed the clean diaper, and then, ever so carefully, done her business right there on the little mattress on the floor (the one we are using as a 'just in case' mattress for rolling out of her bed.)
Apparently she could not get out of the room fast enough to seek assistance.
"I cweened it up, Mommy; is ok."
Yes, she had tried to clean it, again, with the majority of the wipes in the container. But no, it was not yet cleaned up.
And so, I cleaned up the mess, and my child, and then we washed our hands thoroughly.
Of course a nap was out of the question by this point, so I brought her back downstairs with me and we snuggled on the couch for a while and watched a Disney movie.
Things had calmed down for the most part until this evening, when she went into the kitchen. Now usually, her going into the kitchen is not a big deal. She will go in, I will call her and she will come back, no harm done. The drawers and cupboards have latches, the only thing she can really get into is the tupperware......or so I thought.
So she ran into the kitchen, and I said "Evie, what are you doing?"
Her response was "is ok Mommy, I be wight back!"
I head the scooting of the little step stool and a commotion. My friend Anna was here, dropping off papers my kids had done @ school today. I made a joke about what could Evie possibly be doing, and I slowly made my way to the kitchen, not yet alarmed (STUPID WOMAN THAT I AM.)
I found Evie, standing on the stool, Children's Motin in her hand; it was open.
She was smiling, brightly. "I dwink my medicine, Mommy!"
It was at this point I said a very, very bad word.
She just smiled at me. I grabbed the bottle, panicked. How did she open it? How did she get it? What the hell is the number for poison control?!?!
Anna came running in, I got the phone book out, cursing my husband for taking the emergency numbers paper off the fridge because it "didn't look nice on the new fridge."
Anna found the number while I cleaned Evie up and closed the bottle.
I called them "Thank you for calling poison control, if you are a medical professional, please press 1, if you are calling about an animal, please press 2, if you are calling about identifying a pill, please press 3. If you have any other questions, please press 4."
Pressing 4: "Oh for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY!"
Poison Control: "Hello, thank you for calling poison control, how can I help you?"
Me: "Um, Hi, my daughter just drank some Children's Motrin."
Poison Control: "Oh, I need to transfer you, hang on please."
Me: Breathe, just breathe. She is happy, she is bouncing around, she didn't drink the whole bottle, she's fine. (Why the hell was the bottle on the counter, you idiot..you knew this was going to happen one day.....)
Poison Control: "Thank you for calling poison control, how can I help you?"
Me: "Hi, my daughter just drank Children's Motrin."
Poison Control: "Ok, don't panic."
And thus began the detemination that she had not consumed a toxic dose, but that she would need to drink some milk to coat her stomach and she may puke.
I then spent the next hour trying to get Evie to drink a glass of milk, but of course, this was the day of being contrary and generally horrible, so she refused. I resorted to a syringe and chocolate milk, because that was very exciting; it was that or holding her and pouring it down her throat...not the most stellar of ideas with an already pissy toddler.
Bryan got home, and she immediately asked him for a glass of water. I had not been able to get her to drink or eat anything. I hadn't pushed the issue, in fact I had opted to ignoring her, thinking perhaps it was a power struggle. If she asked, I would give, but every time I offered drink or food, she absolutely refused. Bryan walked in, and she happily accepted.
He then commented that he "couldn't understand why she does so well for him and yet she gives you such a hard time."
He followed this helpful observation up with "so other than the poopy accident, the xrays this morning, and the poison control thing, how come you had such a bad day?"
Like I said. I need a time out. In fact, I am taking a "quiet moment" right now to type this blog post, because people, if I wasn't typing this blog post? If I wasn't sitting quietly by myself, free from my Motrin-chugging, food-refusing, screaming toddler and my husband who makes "observations," I may just lose my ever-loving mind.
Evie is really sick. She had stayed home all week last week, as she was ill with a fever and a bad cough after returning from the trip to Texas. On Wednesday, Bryan took her to the pediatrician (he is off Wednesdays-Fridays) to make sure her cough was nothing more than a bad virus. They determined she had croup. By Friday, her fever and cough were far worse so he called me at work right at 3:15 to tell me he was taking her to get xrays. I left work and we met at the office; they had found a small spot in her lungs so they were putting her back on antibiotics.
The weekend was filled with crankiness, tears and very little eating. By Sunday, I was back on the phone with the on-call doc who told me my choices were to basically get enough fluids in her to get her to make a wet diaper, or she would have to go to the ER. So, I spent most of Sunday afternoon and evening trying to cajole her to drink, eat or suck on anything I could find: popcicles, jello, juice, washrags. Bryan was at work until nearly 11pm, so it was just me trying to get her to take something. When he got home? She happily ate some Jello.
We made it through the night, but just barely.
This morning, She still had consumed very little liquid and was generally cranky, so I called the pediatrician and made an appointment for 10am. The doctor listened to her lungs, looked in her ears, her eyes etc. After a thorough check-up, she determined Evie needed xrays again. Oh, and also, her ear is now infected, again....the antibiotic the other doctor put her on last week is too weak.
And so I took her back to the radiology department. However, today, they didn't just want one xray, they wanted a whole series of them. The technician met us out in the waiting room and explained to me that she was going to need to take a series of pictures which would require Evie be completely still. Yeah.
Evie's response? She crossed her arms and GLARED silently at the technician. I scooped her up, which caused crying. I then suited up in a lead bib and held her to try to calm her. When it was determined she was not going to calm down, we just began to arduous process wherein I had to help hold her in position, and hug her in between "shots." There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth during the session, however according to the technicians, she was doing very well comparatively.
When we were done, we left and headed home. Once we arrived home, she demanded a french fry, but I had none. So, being cranky, tired and sick, she decided the best way to handle her frustration was by throwing a fit. Not just a little crying, but a complete and total sitting in the in the driveway in the rain, kicking her legs and screaming at the top of her lungs so the neighbors would thing she was being abducted, kind of fit. It was completely wonderful.
I scooped her up and brought her inside as she arched her back, kicked and continued her protest up the stairs and in to her room. I put her on her bed, when suddenly her crying stopped and she said "boots off please, Mommy." I took her boots off and then she said "coat off too, Mommy."
It was at this point, I had to keep from laughing.
I took her coat off, put her blanket on her, and she then began to cry again, declaring she didn't want to go "nye night!"
I walked out of the room. She was silent in less than a minute.
20 minutes passed, and I heard her moving around, talking. I got up and when I got to the base of the stairs, she met me at the top, completely naked but her socks.
"I pooped, Mommy!"
I quickly went upstairs to find she had, in fact pooped. On the bed. She had removed the clean diaper, and then, ever so carefully, done her business right there on the little mattress on the floor (the one we are using as a 'just in case' mattress for rolling out of her bed.)
Apparently she could not get out of the room fast enough to seek assistance.
"I cweened it up, Mommy; is ok."
Yes, she had tried to clean it, again, with the majority of the wipes in the container. But no, it was not yet cleaned up.
And so, I cleaned up the mess, and my child, and then we washed our hands thoroughly.
Of course a nap was out of the question by this point, so I brought her back downstairs with me and we snuggled on the couch for a while and watched a Disney movie.
Things had calmed down for the most part until this evening, when she went into the kitchen. Now usually, her going into the kitchen is not a big deal. She will go in, I will call her and she will come back, no harm done. The drawers and cupboards have latches, the only thing she can really get into is the tupperware......or so I thought.
So she ran into the kitchen, and I said "Evie, what are you doing?"
Her response was "is ok Mommy, I be wight back!"
I head the scooting of the little step stool and a commotion. My friend Anna was here, dropping off papers my kids had done @ school today. I made a joke about what could Evie possibly be doing, and I slowly made my way to the kitchen, not yet alarmed (STUPID WOMAN THAT I AM.)
I found Evie, standing on the stool, Children's Motin in her hand; it was open.
She was smiling, brightly. "I dwink my medicine, Mommy!"
It was at this point I said a very, very bad word.
She just smiled at me. I grabbed the bottle, panicked. How did she open it? How did she get it? What the hell is the number for poison control?!?!
Anna came running in, I got the phone book out, cursing my husband for taking the emergency numbers paper off the fridge because it "didn't look nice on the new fridge."
Anna found the number while I cleaned Evie up and closed the bottle.
I called them "Thank you for calling poison control, if you are a medical professional, please press 1, if you are calling about an animal, please press 2, if you are calling about identifying a pill, please press 3. If you have any other questions, please press 4."
Pressing 4: "Oh for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY!"
Poison Control: "Hello, thank you for calling poison control, how can I help you?"
Me: "Um, Hi, my daughter just drank some Children's Motrin."
Poison Control: "Oh, I need to transfer you, hang on please."
Me: Breathe, just breathe. She is happy, she is bouncing around, she didn't drink the whole bottle, she's fine. (Why the hell was the bottle on the counter, you idiot..you knew this was going to happen one day.....)
Poison Control: "Thank you for calling poison control, how can I help you?"
Me: "Hi, my daughter just drank Children's Motrin."
Poison Control: "Ok, don't panic."
And thus began the detemination that she had not consumed a toxic dose, but that she would need to drink some milk to coat her stomach and she may puke.
I then spent the next hour trying to get Evie to drink a glass of milk, but of course, this was the day of being contrary and generally horrible, so she refused. I resorted to a syringe and chocolate milk, because that was very exciting; it was that or holding her and pouring it down her throat...not the most stellar of ideas with an already pissy toddler.
Bryan got home, and she immediately asked him for a glass of water. I had not been able to get her to drink or eat anything. I hadn't pushed the issue, in fact I had opted to ignoring her, thinking perhaps it was a power struggle. If she asked, I would give, but every time I offered drink or food, she absolutely refused. Bryan walked in, and she happily accepted.
He then commented that he "couldn't understand why she does so well for him and yet she gives you such a hard time."
He followed this helpful observation up with "so other than the poopy accident, the xrays this morning, and the poison control thing, how come you had such a bad day?"
Like I said. I need a time out. In fact, I am taking a "quiet moment" right now to type this blog post, because people, if I wasn't typing this blog post? If I wasn't sitting quietly by myself, free from my Motrin-chugging, food-refusing, screaming toddler and my husband who makes "observations," I may just lose my ever-loving mind.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Daddy, where are Mommy's pants?
Scene: Sunday, 5:45 am
I had gone to bed in sweats, but in the night I had become too hot, so I had kicked off the bottoms and thrown them on the floor next to the bed.
I am asleep.
A face appears on my side of the bed, 6 inches from my face; it's Evie.
In a toddler-style whisper-yell, she says: "MOMMY! WAKE UP!"
Eyes are open.
Me: "Good morning, honey, how are you?"
Evie: "I good, you wake up now, Mommy."
Me: "Ohhhh, honey, it's early. Let's sleep some more."
Evie: "Mommy, I hungry, let's eat cee-wee-al."
Me: "Evie, it's very early, we can eat cereal in a little while, but we need to sleep some more."
Evie: "Mommy, I hungwy. Time to get up. I hep you."
She then proceeds to grab the covers off me and pulls them back. I am at this point giggling with her, it has become a game.
Me: "What are you doing? Those are Mommy's blankets!"
Evie: giggles, continues to pull the blankets back.
Suddenly, she gets the sheets to my waist and she stops, very seriously.
Evie: "MOMMY, wha happened?!?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Evie: "MOMMY, where ARE YOUR PANTS?!? Where AHHHHRE DEY?"
Me: "Oh, I was hot, so I took them off."
Evie: (Scolding) "Ohhh, Mommy, Ohhh, nooo! Is ok, I find dem." She then ran away, and I watched her little floating head as it bobbed around the edge of the bed to Bryan's side.
Evie: "Hi Daddy!"
Bryan: "groan"
Evie: (Very seriously) "Daddy, Whare Ahre Mommy's pants?"
Bryan: (grunting) "what?"
Evie: (annoyed) "DADDY, WHARE ARE MOMMY's PANTS? You know?"
Bryan: leans over to me..."Umm, what is she talking about?"
Me: "Evie, honey, my pants are over here on the floor."
Bryan: "Why don't you have pants?"
Me: "Seriously? I was hot. Can't a person sleep with no pants without their entire family scolding them?
Meanwhile...
Evie: "Is okay Mommy, I get dem!"
I watched as her little head bobbed along while she ran back around the bed. She found the pants, picked them up and proceeded to try to put them on me.
Evie: "Mommy, you gotta stand up, I hep you get dwessed."
And so, our morning began earlier than we had hoped, all because I had no pants.
I had gone to bed in sweats, but in the night I had become too hot, so I had kicked off the bottoms and thrown them on the floor next to the bed.
I am asleep.
A face appears on my side of the bed, 6 inches from my face; it's Evie.
In a toddler-style whisper-yell, she says: "MOMMY! WAKE UP!"
Eyes are open.
Me: "Good morning, honey, how are you?"
Evie: "I good, you wake up now, Mommy."
Me: "Ohhhh, honey, it's early. Let's sleep some more."
Evie: "Mommy, I hungry, let's eat cee-wee-al."
Me: "Evie, it's very early, we can eat cereal in a little while, but we need to sleep some more."
Evie: "Mommy, I hungwy. Time to get up. I hep you."
She then proceeds to grab the covers off me and pulls them back. I am at this point giggling with her, it has become a game.
Me: "What are you doing? Those are Mommy's blankets!"
Evie: giggles, continues to pull the blankets back.
Suddenly, she gets the sheets to my waist and she stops, very seriously.
Evie: "MOMMY, wha happened?!?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Evie: "MOMMY, where ARE YOUR PANTS?!? Where AHHHHRE DEY?"
Me: "Oh, I was hot, so I took them off."
Evie: (Scolding) "Ohhh, Mommy, Ohhh, nooo! Is ok, I find dem." She then ran away, and I watched her little floating head as it bobbed around the edge of the bed to Bryan's side.
Evie: "Hi Daddy!"
Bryan: "groan"
Evie: (Very seriously) "Daddy, Whare Ahre Mommy's pants?"
Bryan: (grunting) "what?"
Evie: (annoyed) "DADDY, WHARE ARE MOMMY's PANTS? You know?"
Bryan: leans over to me..."Umm, what is she talking about?"
Me: "Evie, honey, my pants are over here on the floor."
Bryan: "Why don't you have pants?"
Me: "Seriously? I was hot. Can't a person sleep with no pants without their entire family scolding them?
Meanwhile...
Evie: "Is okay Mommy, I get dem!"
I watched as her little head bobbed along while she ran back around the bed. She found the pants, picked them up and proceeded to try to put them on me.
Evie: "Mommy, you gotta stand up, I hep you get dwessed."
And so, our morning began earlier than we had hoped, all because I had no pants.
This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!
To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.
Note: To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime� 6.5 or higher is required.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
This message was sent using the Picture and Video Messaging service from Verizon Wireless!
To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.
Note: To play video messages sent to email, QuickTime� 6.5 or higher is required.
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