I am 30 today. I have been waiting for today probably since I was 12. It feels good, it feels right, it feels about the same; in my mind, I've been 30 for the last 18 years.
Today is also bittersweet, as it will always be for me. Four years ago, my Mom spent this day taking her last breaths, fighting her final fight, and asking, in a pain-induced stupor for the time. Over and over, she asked: "what time is it?" The day was spent trying to relieve her pain and get her calm; she was no longer really there; but every few hours, a brief moment of clarity and the demand for the time.
At midnight, she asked once more for the time, and we, the Hospice nurses and myself, who had been trying desperately all day to give her comfort that could not be found, told her the day had passed- it was now the 21st. With that, she stopped fighting, she stopped asking, and in a matter of 30 minutes, my Mom finally went to sleep.
So you see, my birthday is both beautiful and horrible. Touching and gut-wrenching. I spent my last birthday with my Mom, watching her fight to live so she would not die until the day after my birthday.
I remember her gift every day of every year.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
3 years ago
3 comments:
Hello there! First time visitor to your blog. My name is Zack. Originally from the Dallas area. Living in Lubbock, TX going to Sunset school of Preaching. Prayerfully considering moving to the Northwest to work and plant churches.
Your blog post was very touching. I love my mother so much. She is such a blessing! I don't know what I would do without here. That must have been really tough to say goodbye to your mom. God bless.
Oh wow, your mom sounds like an amazing person. I'm so sorry you had to lose her.
Belated happy birthday to you!
My heart goes out to you Steph. I don't think I knew this story. She's a fighter and so are you. I love that about you.
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