Let us all take a moment and applaud the Kiwi

So on World News Tonight, they did a cute little presentation on the mother Kiwi bird. The Kiwi bird lays an egg more than 50% of her own body size. This means, the momma bird can't really do anything, including eat, for the majority of her pregnancy. The egg is so huge, it completely crushes her internal organs.
I've recently been feeling pretty fat and uncomfortable, but once I saw the Kiwi bird, I felt fortunate to only be carrying such a small and proportionate sized baby.
In other news, I smell like a baby's bottom. The skin on my arm around my IV site has started breaking down and it has become trmendously raw. My sister had sent me a baby survival kit, in which there was a tube of A & D ointment. I thought, "my arm is raw and cracked, baby ointment is for rashes" Cut to me slathering baby diaper rash ointment all over my arm around the edges of the IV tape. I find it very soothing, but also very sticky.
Finally, I'm gonna have to hurt Portia soon. I think that she's probably stressed out and knows I don't feel very well. She's been on edge all week. She's insisted on laying right next to my bed, so I have to step around her in the night. During the day, she insists on sitting behind my chair, which means she knocks over the garbage can every time she crawls back there. I've moved the garbage can, but somehow she still knocks it over, and my IV stuff falls all over the place. She is very anxious, barking at everything that moves...she did this when I was taking care of my mom in her final days as well. Finally, she's been very licky. What I mean by this, is that she's licking her paws, she tries to lick my hand, and I found myself saying earlier today, "stop licking the chair!" I know she probably means well and can sense the stress in the house; she is a very sweet dog, but she's driving me crazy and I fear I may have to hurt her soon if she doesn't get it together.